Cold hands, warm shart.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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