Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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