I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i will never coherently bang her
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
