maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
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I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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