We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
