i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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