im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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