Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
