This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
His hands were made for my vagina.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
