i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
