I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
