I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
