ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
