My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize