my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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