anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
