ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize