I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
