So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
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I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
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When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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