I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
