I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
