So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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