There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We got so high we made milksteak
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
