How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
