well I can't set my house on fire every night
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
