Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
