Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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