And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
