clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is Oprah even human
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
