I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
operation have a gay friend backfired
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
