i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
