hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
