There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
