your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
