oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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