similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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