Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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