PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
