the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
