Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
