Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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