So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
