he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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