I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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