i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
