kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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