Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
