You're my little dorito
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
