yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
