My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
