yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
