I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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