Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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