was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
