What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
