I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
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You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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