do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
