He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
