By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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