good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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