someone threw a dead crab at me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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