I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
