we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
