It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
