I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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