She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
