All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
