Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
