She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
