Already got asked if we're dating
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
