your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
